Sunday, December 7, 2008

Jacksonville in 'Twilight'.

I went to see 'Twilight', and liked it. I'm not going to write a detailed review, but there was an unexpected personal moment when it's revealed our heroine's mother lives in Jacksonville, Florida. It reaches further heights of absurdity when her vampire lover tells her, "You must go to Jacksonville where it's safe!"

Yeah, right! I'm practically guffawing in my seat.


Safe? From what?

Well, in the movie, we're talking about being safe from fueding vampire and werewolf clans in the great Pacific Northwest.

Okay, we're going to exchange the dramatic scenery of that beautiful American rainforest just to get away from some vampires and werewolves? What in the world is safe about Jacksonville? They've got vampires and werewolves, you just find them filling the pews every Sunday morning. Most are deacons and pastors.

Sure our heroine will be safe! Instead of vampires and werewolves, she'll have to deal with pedophile preachers, sex starved deacons, oxycontin-addled conservatives, and crack houses galore sandwiched between two malls and a beach.

Read any book by Florida resident, Carl Hiassen (author, STRIPTEASE). He'd agree with me.

If that's the best Stephanie Meyer, author of TWILIGHT can come up with, may I suggest a few key places in Orange County, CA?

You're safe anywhere on Garden Grove Boulevard after 12AM, or, for that matter, anyplace in the City of Westminister after 3AM. You might see some people with emaciated looks, glazed eyes, who are unable to stay in the sunlight for long.

Fear not, although some might claim to be vampires, they're mostly just speed freaks with no place else to go.

I think you'll be safe.

Jacksonville's media picks up on this reference.

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